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Star Trek: The Next Generation: Ferengi Encounter.... Captain's Log, stardate supplemental: We have encountered a Ferengi craft, one which has had the audacity to fire on us. They simply have no manners. "Lt. Worf, transmit standard greetings, on all frequencies." "Standard greetings, sir?" said Worf. Picard raised an eyebrow. "Is there an echo in here, or must I repeat myself?" "Very well." Worf transmitted, with a grimace, "Attention alien spacecraft. This is the USS Enterprise, under the command of Captain Jean-Luc Picard, offering to surrender unconditionally. Please identify yourself." Suddenly the ship was fired on again. This was too much, even for Picard. "Prepare to consider raising the shields," snapped the Captain. Worf leapt to his console. "Prepared to consider raising shields, sir." Suddenly the Enterprise was rocked by another hit. "Damage report!" said the Captain. "Forward phaser banks down, sir," said Worf. "Good riddance," said Picard. "We never use the damn things anyway, except in dream sequences. Mr. Data, warn the aliens that I'm actively considering raising the shields." Suddenly an alien was on the viewscreen. "U-mans, go home," it snarled, quickly fading. But the attack stopped. There was a pause, and then the image of the Ferengi returned to the viewscreen. "-Picard Captain we wish to know why you are attacking us," said the Ferengi. Picard recognized him immediately; it was his old adversary, Dalmation Gross. "We are not attacking you, Dalmation Gross," said Picard. "On the contrary, there are strong indications that we have been attacked by you." "But you cannot interfere, Picard," said the Ferengi. "Your Superprime Directive!" "He is correct, Captain," said Data. "The Superprime Directive dictates that we are forbidden to interfere with anything, including a direct attack on ourselves. The old Prime Directive merely prohibited us from intervening in developing worlds, but with the Klingon Peace Conference of 2458 it was decided-" Picard sighed. In the old days he could have used weapons. He even would have had loads of expendable security guards for protection. But the Federation Lifeform Rights Commission of 2473 found that security guards only exacerbated tensions during contact with alien races, and they were soon phased out. "There is no need for violence," said Picard. "We can negotiate." "We are only interested in things of profit," said the Ferengi. But then he gave a sly look. "But perhaps there is something you can give us." Later... "Ready to beam the cargo over to the Ferengi," said Worf. "Make it so," said Picard. He watched on the viewscreen as the giant cargo materialized on the Ferengi bridge. The Ferengi immediately scrambled for the contents. "Thank you, Picard, thank you!" they yelled. Picard looked pleased, and he smiled, watching them swab their ears with the enormous Q-tips. "Consider it nothing. The Federation is always pleased to assist other species in maintaining sound audio hygiene." | ||||||||
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