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Star Trek: The Next Generation... remember when Commander Riker joined the crew of a Klingon ship? "We'll make you a Klingon yet! Put this on your head, human," said Kaaahhh, handing Riker an oval shaped piece of rubber with ridges on it. "On my head?" Riker suddenly realized. "Does that mean that the ridges on your heads are fake too?" "Of course," said a Klingon named Kaaarrr. "Didn't you ever notice that we didn't have ridges on the old Star Trek?" "Well, yes-" "What do you think, we just grew them?" The Klingons roared. "So why do you wear them?" said Riker. "Our leader, Kimpeck, ordered us to. He said it made us looked tougher. We needed some morale boosting, especially after we lost our latest war against the federation," said Klaaaaa. "Now growl." "What?" "GROWL! A true Klingon must learn how to growl. Go on, go on. GRRR! Like that." Riker tried to growl, but only ended up giving a watery smile. "Bah! We'll have to put you in a remedial growling class. Here, eat this," said Koooorrr, handing Riker a bowl of worms. "Worms! But... they're alive! I only eat them after they've been breaded and fried," whined Riker. "But you must learn to eat them live" the Klingon growled. "Why, because it shows you're tough?" "Yes, but more importantly because also helps clear the digestive tract, making for an excellent laxative. There will be no constipated warriors on this ship!" growled Kraaaa. Another Klingon handed Riker a painstick. "Here, take this!" "What are we going to do? Duel?" "No!" roared the Klingon. "Painsticking is the Klingon equivilent of playing solitaire. You stick yourself!" "Ow!" said Riker, gently jabbing himself. "How long do I do this for?" "Until you no longer feel the pain!" roared the Klingon. | ||||||||
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