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ST:TNG Another Kiddie Episode. Captain's Log, stardate supplemental We are returning from an Away mission to the archeological ruins on Duldrums IV in a small shuttlecraft, the Walkman. Accompanying me were Ensign Row, for security, Kaiko, for botany, and Guinan, for comic relief. I myself had discovered a particularly interesting find, the eating bowl of a small domesticated animal. We were lucky enough to find animal sailva fossilized on the bowl, which my tricorder informs me is over 500 years old. "Imagine that," said Picard, caressing the bowl foundly. "Imprints of animal spit," said Ensign Row. "500 year old fossilized remains of animal saliva," Picard corrected. "Think of how much we can learn. How much did the animal slobber over its dinner? What was the size of its typical globs of saliva? Ah, there is so much information here!" He smiled, looking like a 12 year old. "Captain, we're coming on an energy field," said Row. In a few seconds, it was tearing the Walkman apart. "Contact the ship!" said Picard. "Beam us up!" "I can't!" said Whoopi. "I'm getting a busy signal!" Picard grunted. "It's probably Dr. Crusher, talking to that Wesley child again. Use emergency override, and break through!" Contact was established. "Beam us out of here!" said Picard. Moments later, in the transporter room on the Enterprise.... "We're children!" said Row, shocked. "Hair! Hair! I have hair!" said Picard, a big smile on his face. Chief O'Brien frowned. "It must have been an interface array misalignment-" "Hair!" said Picard, who still couldn't believe it. "What happened?" said Row. "Change us back!" Geordi stepped into the transporter room. "We can't." "Why not?" said Row. "Why would we want to?" said Picard, grinning from ear to ear. "Because the main circuitry has been altered. When Mr. Scott from the old Enterprise was here last week he was fiddling with the transporter-" "Well, fix it," said Row. "Well...." "What's wrong?" said Picard. "Engines are kind of my main thing. Wesley Crusher handled all the transporter problems when he was here," Geordi said. All eyes turned to Chief O'Brien. "Don't look at me, I just operate the damn thing. Move three indicators up, beam down. Move three indicators down, beam up." O'Brien paused, putting a finger under his chin. "Or was it the other way around?" Picard sighed. "We will simply have to remain in this state until we can return to Starfleet Academy where Mr. Crusher can again tell us what to do." Later, on the bridge... "Mr. Worf, set a course for the Alpha Beta system," said Picard.. Worf frowned, doing nothing. "Klingons do not obey children." Picard blew his stack. "Mr. Worf, you are relieved. Mr. Data!" "Sir, you do resemble a small boy-child," said Data. "I have no emotion, but if I did, I would be forced laugh at the thought of taking orders from an infant. My laughter would sound like this" Data's face puckered up. "HA HA HA!" he shrieked. Then, returning to his subdued tone, he added, "I can only imagine how it is for Mr. Worf." "Captain, I sense no one likes taking orders while you are in that puny child-like body," said Troi. "Why don't you go to your ready room, and take a short nap?" "But... but... you listened to Wesley when he gave the orders," said Picard. "Wesley was a genius," said Riker. "You heard what the Traveller, the man in the striped pajamas who moved through different dimensions, said about him." Things were not going well for Guinan either. They wouldn't even let her into 10-Forward, because as a child she wasn't old enough to drink synthahol. And Kaiko was despondent because she had been demoted to lower gardener, second class. She sobbed in Chief O'Brien's arms. "Miles, they're starting me down at grass and shrubs again. It will take years for me to reach the plants and trees division!" "There there," said O'Brien, keeping a discrete distance from his child bride. "Life is tough all over. Remember last season when I was taken over by an alien, and I used you for a hostage?" Captain's Log, stardate supplemental After a minor subplot of no significance whatsoever involving the Ferengi, we have retrieved Mr. Crusher and repaired the transporter. Next week Mr. Data is going to grow a moustache and start beating up on people in the holodeck, something he does quite well in his "naughty" mode. | |||||||
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