science fiction

Remember Star Trek: The Motionless Picture?

Captain's Log, stardate supplemental. We have
penetrated the heart of the cloud known as V'jer,
led by the robotic copy of our navigator, Lt.
Illia. The probe threatens to destroy the earth
unless it gets what it wants. But what does it
want?

    "I believe I know," said Spock, studying
intently the whine from his tricorder. "V'jer is
looking for a date."
    "What????" said McCoy.
    "Consider, if you will, the following," said
Spock. "V'jer has travelled the galaxy. It has
seen and recorded sights and wonders that must be
beyond our comprehension. But it's never had a
date. Not even a one-night stand. V'jer is
lonely, Captain."
    "So what do we do, fix it up on a blind
date?" said McCoy. "And with what, our ship's
computer?"
    "V'jer wants," said Illia, speaking for the
first time. "V'jer wants... to date one of you."
    "One of us?" said Decker. Suddenly he gave a
gleeful grin. "Captain Kirk, I think you're being
paged."
    "Just one moment," said Kirk, holding out a
hand. "Just what sort of date do you have in
mind?"
    "We will be together," said Illia. "There
will be a light, that will make your hair stand on
end. Then you will be atomized, together, with
me."
    Kirk cleared his throat diplomatically. "I'm
afraid I'm a little old for that sort of thing.
Hey, why not go for someone younger?" He turned
to Decker.
    "Someone more gullible," added McCoy.
    "Someone more expendable," said Spock,
pushing Decker forward.
    "Hey, wait!" said Decker. "Can't we talk
about this?" The others started to push him
forward. "Wait, wait, at least let's beam down
some chocolates, some flowers, and do this right!"
    "V'jer does not need those," said Illia, as
the lights started to form around them. "Come on,
Decker, let us get on with this. There are at
least three more probes waiting in line behind us
to threaten your planet."....
"Ultimately, did Vejur really want to be fixed up on a blind date?"
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