PARODY: The Search for Odo's Nose, Part II
Meanwhile, in Quark's....
"What is it?" said Rom, eyeing the substance
in the little container. It looked like a little
piece of gel that was moving back and forth.
"It's a material that can change into any
shape or form. Can you imagine how much that's
worth?" Quark chuckled.
"... any shape or form? That sounds like O-"
Rom's mouth was stuffed by Quark's quick
hand. Quark looked around. Only Walrus Man was
watching, and he had an IQ of a houseplant.
"Keep your voice down," Quark hissed.
"Someone might hear." Seeing someone coming in
the distance, he quickly put the substance behind
the bar.
It was Odo. But the Constable was looking
decidedly out of shape. His nose was missing.
"Quark," he growled.
"Odo," said Quark, obviously nervous.
"Quark, do you notice something wrong?"
"Wrong?"
"Something different about me?"
Quark shrugged his shoulders.
"Guess," Odo implored.
"Parting your hair any differently?"
Odo shook his head.
Quark squinted. "Um... I know, you've got a
new shiny communicator."
Odo shook his head again.
Quark shrugged. "Then I can't say."
Odo pointed at the place where his nose used
to be.
Quark chuckled. "Yes, now that you mention
it, I did notice that something was missing. What
happened to your nose?"
"Someone came into my office when I was
sleeping... and stole a piece of me." Odo
practically growled it out.
"You don't say," said Quark. "I wonder why
anyone would do that?"
"I don't care," said Odo. "But when I catch
the... person who did this, they're going to have
a lot to answer for."
Quark clucked sympathetically.
Meanwhile, in Ops...
"Commander, we have a problem," said Dax
manipulating her console.
Sisco stood staring into space, tossing a
baseball in the palm of his hands.
"Talk to me," said Kira.
"Ok," said Dax. "Someone has downloaded
classified information from the station's security
log."
"Someone?" said Kira. "Who?"
"I don't know. But they had a level one
security code, so it had to be one of us," said
Dax.
"Well, none of us would do that," said Kira,
"Unless...."
"One of us is a duplicate," said Odo.
"A duplicate?" said O'Brien. "Not again!"
"Chief O'Brien is often a duplicate at times
like this," Odo noted.
"Me? I was just replaced by a duplicate last
week," said O'Brien. "What are the odds of it
happening so quickly again?"
"I don't know," said Odo. "But the duplicate
would know."
"Dax, what do you think?" said Kira.
"Not sure," said Dax. "I remember that Max
Dax once encountered a situation like this. One
of the crewmembers had been replaced by a
duplicate. But he was an andorian, you see, and
could use his antenna-"
"What do you think, Commander?" said Kira.
Sisco looked up, still tossing his baseball.
"I'll be in my baseball holoprogram, if starfleet
calls."
"Well, I could do some tests on Chief
O'Brien," said Bashir.
"You're not touching me," said the Chief,
raising a two-by-four isolinear chip menacingly.
"Let's give it a rest and think some more on
it," Kira suggested.
That evening O'Brien came home to find Keiko
and Molly locked behind the bedroom door. Did
they suspect he was a duplicate?
"Keiko, what's happening?" O'Brien yelled,
pounding on the door.
"Miles, you beast!" said Keiko.
Then O'Brien remembered. He was supposed to
scrub the replicator this morning. "I'm sorry, I
forgot to scrub the replicator. Please forgive
me?"
There was no answer.
"Please...." O'Brien whined. "You're so good
to me. I'm really lucky to have you. I'm such a
low worm. Please, let me grovel at your feet in
forgiveness. Please!"
The door opened. Keiko, with a sourpuss
expression, appeared. "Does this mean you're
going to have dinner on the table as well?"
"Sure," said O'Brien, sprinting to the
replicator. "Computer-"
"And none of that Irish meat crap," said
Keiko. "You know what I want!"
"Uh..."
"Get out of the way, you useless man," said
Keiko, pushing him aside. "Computer, prepare
Talosian artichokes, mixed with Ferengi Guma beans
and sprinkled with Bajoran grass weeds, three
servings."
The replicator hummed, creating the grassy
dinners.
"But...."
"One more word like that out of you and
you're spending another night on the couch," Keiko
warned.
But despite the warning Miles could only pick
at his food. Dinner was quiet. Too quiet.
"What's up, honey?" said Miles, looking at Molly.
Molly said nothing.
"What's with her?" said O'Brien.
"I taught her to say something new. Molly?"
said Keiko.
"Daddy... I hate you!" the little girl spat
out.
"Oh hohoho," said O'Brien, with false
laughter. "Very nice." He changed the subject.
"How was work today?"
"Work? How dare you ask me that! I bust my
back out supervising the people who were weeding
and pruning, and you make like it was a joke!"
said Keiko, glaring. "I wish we were back on the
Enterprise. Miles, can't you get us a transfer?"
"But Honey, back on the Enterprise I would be
put back in the transporter room, with nothing to
do but three levers up, beam down, three levers
down, beam up," said O'Brien. "And usually we
were travelling in empty space for weeks at a
time, so I would just stand there, doing nothing."
"You always think of yourself!" Keiko spat.
"Sorry honey," said O'Brien. He changed the
subject. "By the way, I noticed from the holologs
that you were on the holodeck today."
"Spying on me!" she said, glaring again.
"But if you must know, I found a few minutes to
work on my holoprogram."
"The one where you're in Korea, in the
1950's, manning a place called Rosie's Bar?" said
O'Brien. "Frankly, I never understood the appeal-
"
Keiko stood up, banging the plates with a
clatter. "Couch for you!"
O'Brien sighed. Well, everything was normal
at home. He wasn't the duplicate!
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