Return to Star Trek Voyager main page Talk directly to Banana Torres (Belanna) 7 of 9 (Jeri Ryan) Captain Kathryn Janeway Trivia (click here): bjkYrNtFPAZuVrXxay Help rescue Captain Kathryn Janeway from slavery! (click here) TV-Commentary - Star Trek Voyager PARODY: The voyager home         "So," said Janeway. "What options do we have for getting home?"     "We could take some gas from the nebula and supercharge our warp engines," said Torres.     "The cloud is an intelligent form of life!" said Janeway. "I'm surprised at you, B'nana. How would you like it if aliens took your right arm to power their warp drive?"     "Well, the aliens with the ribbons in their hair from episode seven said they would sell us a device that would get us halfway home," said Chickotei.     "No," said Janeway. "We cannot violate the prime directive. By purchasing their device we would be interfering with their economy. No, we cannot do that."     "I think we've picked up a wormhole on the sensors," said B'nana. "Perhaps one that could get us home."     "No way," said Janeway. "That wormhole could have sentient microscopic beings, beings that could be harmed by our entry. No, it is better to stay here and be moral." She stood up, went to the replicator. "A pack of marlboros. Unfiltered."     The replicator just beeped. "Damn! I forgot we're on rations," said Janeway.     "Neelix left these for you," said Chickotei, indicating several long thin leaf wrapped tubes. "But he says that you should not be on duty for several hours after you smoke them."     "Excuse me," said a voice. "I think I may have a solution to your problem. Please turn on your emergency medical monitor."     Janeway eagerly did so. "Smokes?"     "No, as you know Starfleet has designated all Voyager class star ships as 'no smoking zones'," said the Doctor. "I was referring to your attempts to get home."     "You know how we can get home?" said Chickotei.     "Well, in a manner of speaking," said the Doctor. "Since actually going home would not only involve compromising our lofty principals but end our little trek rather prematurely, I was thinking that each of you could go home... on the holodeck."     "The holodeck!" said Janeway, excited.     Janeway's fantasy was rather plain. She was sitting in the empty holodeck with the lined walls. "Computer. Replicate a pack of marlboro lights."     The pack appeared in her hand.        "And a lighter," said Janeway, excited. She quickly lit up, taking a drag. "Who cares what it does for my voice?"         Chickotei entered the holodeck at the appointed time. He found himself in a small park, surrounded by animals.     "What's shaking, Chickotei?" said an igwuana. "Long time no see," said a bald eagle. "How has alpha centauri been doing in the Dumb-Jot finals?" asked a newt.     Chickotei smiled. It was good to be home.         "At ease, Mr. Sulu," said Paris, stepping onto the bridge. "Mr. Spock, report?"     "The Romulans have withdrawn," said Spock. "A masterful maneuver, sir, using code 2."     "Very good," said Paris approvingly, sitting in the command chair. He eyed the dress line of a skirted yeoman. That's right, they didn't all use to wear pants.     "Blast it, Paris, you can't go on pretending that you're on another series!" said McCoy.     Paris buffed his nails. "Of course I can. Dr. McCoy, your agonizer. Please."                       The End Click here to post a message        posts on 6/5/2006 12:23:45 PM hahahahahahahaha great touch with the tom thing. Click here to post a message Other Recent Star Trek Voyager Discussions Did B'nana find her labor pains to be erotic? 5/11/2008 6:55:09 PM Seven of Nine - I dream of Chakotay? 2/3/2008 4:43:40 AM If one character had to be lost in a transporter accident… 2/3/2008 4:38:04 AM Why hasn't the crew mutanied against Captain Janeway by now? 12/16/2007 3:29:55 PM All the characters are Cylons 6/18/2007 12:37:25 AM How Gay is Neelix? 5/25/2007 9:57:14 AM PARODY of the "sending letters home" episode 5/22/2007 1:24:54 PM The political correctness of this show is maddening! 5/19/2007 5:25:38 AM Chako: Bad actor with bad writing, or just bad actor? 5/14/2007 5:13:26 PM Last Episode: A person marries the Doc? 4/2/2007 8:25:26 PM The very worst episodes of Voyager 2/9/2007 11:18:09 AM Why the 70,000 lightyear journey doesn't work… 12/30/2006 7:48:18 AM Why doesn't the Doctor make a backup of himself? 11/30/2006 10:03:06 AM Last Episode: 7 of 9 & Chako: Did Chako need an emotion chip too? 10/28/2006 5:11:19 PM The very best episodes of Voyager 10/3/2006 4:20:01 PM Last Episode: Unsatisfying ending? 9/5/2006 8:27:04 AM How come Voyager never runs out of anything? 8/30/2006 1:57:34 PM If they could use the replicators, why did they have to eat Neelix's crappy cooking? 8/15/2006 9:00:47 PM PARODY: The voyager home 6/5/2006 12:23:45 PM Captain Kathryn Janeway: Feminist role model for the 24th century? 6/5/2006 12:19:23 PM Why is Captain Kathryn Janeway only intimate with herself? 6/5/2006 12:18:35 PM Does Borg drone 7 of 9 have antigrav units in her uniform? 5/10/2006 10:13:10 AM Did B'nana always beat up Tom in bed? 5/10/2006 10:07:11 AM Tom Paris and the Hair Club for Helmsmen 5/10/2006 9:55:07 AM When did Voyager stop being interesting? 4/13/2006 6:10:55 AM B'nana's Klingon Abortion 1/11/2006 12:59:45 PM Why does B'nana feel the need to strip down so often? 12/14/2005 3:20:10 PM Last Episode: Who aged the worst? 9/28/2005 5:43:54 PM Why wasn't B'nana Torres visibly hispanic? 9/9/2005 1:39:53 PM Does Voyager support euthanasia? 9/5/2005 10:16:13 PM If Chakotay were a real Indian, wouldn't he have scalped Captain Janeway by now? 8/1/2005 1:41:54 PM Why would Tom marry B'nana? 7/29/2005 3:52:31 PM Last Episode: What's with the Batman technology? 7/19/2005 5:38:09 AM Could Voyager Captain Kathryn Janeway's Holoboyfriend get her pregnant? 4/22/2005 11:16:45 PM Note: the views expressed here are only those of the posters.

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