Riker goes Klingon
Star Trek: The Next Generation... remember when
Commander Riker joined the crew of a Klingon ship?
"We'll make you a Klingon yet! Put this on
your head, human," said Kaaahhh, handing Riker an
oval shaped piece of rubber with ridges on it.
"On my head?" Riker suddenly realized. "Does
that mean that the ridges on your heads are fake
too?"
"Of course," said a Klingon named Kaaarrr.
"Didn't you ever notice that we didn't have ridges
on the old Star Trek?"
"Well, yes-"
"What do you think, we just grew them?" The
Klingons roared.
"So why do you wear them?" said Riker.
"Our leader, Kimpeck, ordered us to. He said
it made us looked tougher. We needed some morale
boosting, especially after we lost our latest war
against the federation," said Klaaaaa. "Now
growl."
"What?"
"GROWL! A true Klingon must learn how to
growl. Go on, go on. GRRR! Like that."
Riker tried to growl, but only ended up
giving a watery smile.
"Bah! We'll have to put you in a remedial
growling class. Here, eat this," said Koooorrr,
handing Riker a bowl of worms.
"Worms! But... they're alive! I only eat
them after they've been breaded and fried," whined
Riker.
"But you must learn to eat them live" the
Klingon growled.
"Why, because it shows you're tough?"
"Yes, but more importantly because also helps
clear the digestive tract, making for an excellent
laxative. There will be no constipated warriors
on this ship!" growled Kraaaa.
Another Klingon handed Riker a painstick.
"Here, take this!" "What are we going to do?
Duel?"
"No!" roared the Klingon. "Painsticking is
the Klingon equivilent of playing solitaire. You
stick yourself!"
"Ow!" said Riker, gently jabbing himself.
"How long do I do this for?"
"Until you no longer feel the pain!" roared
the Klingon.
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