The Crystalline entity snacks on Riker's girlfriend
Captain's Log, Stardate Supplemental: We've
encountered the creature known as the crystaline
entity, a being that literally feeds on human
lives. It recently snacked on Commander Riker's
latest girlfriend, and Numba One seems most
agitated.
"Captain, the crystal entity is approaching
us. Shall we raise shields?" said Riker.
"Yes, Numba One," said Picard, but, with an
afterthought "But only at half strength. We don't
want to be unduly provocative."
The crystal entity approached. They heard
squeaking sounds over the communications system.
Worf engaged the universal translator.
"-Food food food food food food-" they heard.
"Seems to have a one track mind," commented
Riker.
Picard said, "Crystaline entity. Attention!
I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS
Enterprise. We cannot allow you to consume us,
not without the express orders of Starfleet
command."
"-food food food food food food-" said the
creature.
"Sir, we may not be able to negotiate with
it," advised Riker. "We may even have to use
weapons-"
"Nonsense, Number One!" said Picard. "Would
you shoot the bald eagle in your native Alaska?
The condor of southern California? Or the Mush-
Mush bug of Cyrus II? The crystal entity is an
endangered species, like the whooping crane or the
sperm whale."
"-food food food food food food-" the
creature continued.
"This sperm whale likes to snack on planets,"
said Worf angrily.
"A technicality," said Picard, with a
dismissive wave of the hand. "We can negotiate
with it, perhaps persuade it to feed on less
inhabited worlds, or other regions of space.
Perhaps we could interest it in a Klingon sector-"
Suddenly, a half dozen photon torpedoes
erupted from the Enterprise, utterly destroying
the crystal entity.
Picard turned, with raised eyebrows, to Mr.
Worf.
"Sorry sir," said Worf. "My hand slipped."
Picard made a naughty-naughty signal with a
finger. "This must be reported."
He turned to his log. "Captain's log,
supplemental. Lt. Worf has regretably destroyed
the crystal entity, just when we were on the verge
of a diplomatic breakthrough. And so the crystal
entity goes into extinction, along with the
doomsday device and the giant outer space amoeba."
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