Captain Picard becomes a child again...
ST:TNG Another Kiddie Episode.
Captain's Log, stardate supplemental
We are returning from an Away mission to the
archeological ruins on Duldrums IV in a small
shuttlecraft, the Walkman. Accompanying me were
Ensign Row, for security, Kaiko, for botany, and
Guinan, for comic relief. I myself had discovered
a particularly interesting find, the eating bowl
of a small domesticated animal. We were lucky
enough to find animal sailva fossilized on the
bowl, which my tricorder informs me is over 500
years old.
"Imagine that," said Picard, caressing the
bowl foundly.
"Imprints of animal spit," said Ensign Row.
"500 year old fossilized remains of animal
saliva," Picard corrected. "Think of how much we
can learn. How much did the animal slobber over
its dinner? What was the size of its typical
globs of saliva? Ah, there is so much information
here!" He smiled, looking like a 12 year old.
"Captain, we're coming on an energy field,"
said Row. In a few seconds, it was tearing the
Walkman apart.
"Contact the ship!" said Picard. "Beam us
up!"
"I can't!" said Whoopi. "I'm getting a busy
signal!"
Picard grunted. "It's probably Dr. Crusher,
talking to that Wesley child again. Use emergency
override, and break through!"
Contact was established. "Beam us out of
here!" said Picard.
Moments later, in the transporter room on the
Enterprise....
"We're children!" said Row, shocked.
"Hair! Hair! I have hair!" said Picard, a
big smile on his face.
Chief O'Brien frowned. "It must have been an
interface array misalignment-"
"Hair!" said Picard, who still couldn't
believe it.
"What happened?" said Row. "Change us back!"
Geordi stepped into the transporter room.
"We can't."
"Why not?" said Row.
"Why would we want to?" said Picard, grinning
from ear to ear.
"Because the main circuitry has been altered.
When Mr. Scott from the old Enterprise was here
last week he was fiddling with the transporter-"
"Well, fix it," said Row.
"Well...."
"What's wrong?" said Picard.
"Engines are kind of my main thing. Wesley
Crusher handled all the transporter problems when
he was here," Geordi said.
All eyes turned to Chief O'Brien. "Don't
look at me, I just operate the damn thing. Move
three indicators up, beam down. Move three
indicators down, beam up." O'Brien paused,
putting a finger under his chin. "Or was it the
other way around?"
Picard sighed. "We will simply have to
remain in this state until we can return to
Starfleet Academy where Mr. Crusher can again tell
us what to do."
Later, on the bridge...
"Mr. Worf, set a course for the Alpha Beta
system," said Picard..
Worf frowned, doing nothing. "Klingons do
not obey children."
Picard blew his stack. "Mr. Worf, you are
relieved. Mr. Data!"
"Sir, you do resemble a small boy-child,"
said Data. "I have no emotion, but if I did, I
would be forced laugh at the thought of taking
orders from an infant. My laughter would sound
like this" Data's face puckered up. "HA HA HA!"
he shrieked. Then, returning to his subdued tone,
he added, "I can only imagine how it is for Mr.
Worf."
"Captain, I sense no one likes taking orders
while you are in that puny child-like body," said
Troi. "Why don't you go to your ready room, and
take a short nap?"
"But... but... you listened to Wesley when he
gave the orders," said Picard.
"Wesley was a genius," said Riker. "You
heard what the Traveller, the man in the striped
pajamas who moved through different dimensions,
said about him."
Things were not going well for Guinan either.
They wouldn't even let her into 10-Forward,
because as a child she wasn't old enough to drink
synthahol.
And Kaiko was despondent because she had been
demoted to lower gardener, second class. She
sobbed in Chief O'Brien's arms. "Miles, they're
starting me down at grass and shrubs again. It
will take years for me to reach the plants and
trees division!"
"There there," said O'Brien, keeping a
discrete distance from his child bride. "Life is
tough all over. Remember last season when I was
taken over by an alien, and I used you for a
hostage?"
Captain's Log, stardate supplemental
After a minor subplot of no significance
whatsoever involving the Ferengi, we have
retrieved Mr. Crusher and repaired the
transporter. Next week Mr. Data is going to grow
a moustache and start beating up on people in the
holodeck, something he does quite well in his
"naughty" mode.
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