The "rock that made Counselor Troi slutty" episode
STTNG: Counselor Troi taken over
Captain's Log, Stardate Supplemental. Dr. Crusher
has begun to suspect that Counselor Troi has been
taken over by an alien. I have my doubts, as the
Counselor has already been taken over by five
aliens in the past two seasons, far overfulfilling
her quota. By the way, excellent replicated tea,
this.
"Must we always sit at this long table?"
Riker grimaced. He never liked the overfrequent
staff meetings.
Picard put down his saucer, while raising an
eyebrow. "What would you do, hold our meetings at
the bar in 10-Forward?"
"I'd permit it," said Whoopi graciously
"Oh? You would?" said Picard, intrigued.
Worf cleared his throat. "Captain. If we
leave the bridge unattended for much longer, we
may crash into something-"
"Quite right, Mr. Worf," said Picard. "We're
here to discuss Counselor Troi. What evidence do
we have that she has been taken over by aliens?"
"What evidence do we have that she hasn't?"
said Worf, being a bit fatalistic.
"We can't condemn her based on gossip and
rumor," said Ensign Rho.
"Why not?" Worf countered.
"She's become different," said Riker.
"Mean... irritable..."
"In what way, Numba Won?"
"Well," said Riker, "It's not a big thing,
but when I asked her what she thought about my
shaving my beard, she said, 'Don't. It hides more
of your face."
Dr. Crusher frowned. "This morning she
touched my blue jacket and asked me who my tailor
was."
Worf grimaced. "Yesterday she said my
decorative belt looked like a cheap rolex
watchband."
Kaiko made a face. "Last night she came into
the arboretum, watched what I was doing, and
announced "Botany sucks" to everyone."
Whoopi rolled her eyes. "Two days ago she
came into 10-Forward, and announced that anyone
who mixed drinks for a living had to have an IQ of
at least 48."
Picard frowned, considering. "I admit, there
are all examples of anti-social tendencies, but we
can hardly take action without more concrete-"
"Sir," said Data. "Last night I believe
Counselor Troi... tried to come on to me."
"What?" said Picard, suddenly looking alert.
Data looked perplexed. "At first I thought
it was my natural magnetism. As you know, quite a
number of flesh and blood females-"
"Yes, Mr. Data, get on with it!"
"I believe the proper phrase is, she 'made a
pass' at me," said Data.
Picard touched his communicator. "Security!
Apprehend Counselor Troi immediately." He turned
to his staff. "That clinches it. None of us ever
gets frisky unless an alien influence is
involved."
Later, in sickbay, Counselor Troi was
strapped to the sickbaybed, writhing, yelling
obscenities.
Dr. Crusher quickly touched the mute button.
"What do you think it is, Doctor?"
Crusher considered. "I'm not sure, but if I
had to guess, I would say that a rock is conveying
the negative emotions of one of this week's guest
aliens."
"We could destroy the rock," said Worf,
brandishing his matchbook size phaser.
Picard looked surprised. "The wanton
distruction of an alien piece of geology? And
what of the prime directive?" He shook his head.
"No, there must be another answer."
Dr. Crusher's eyes fell on idoitic form of
Riker. "I think I have an idea."
Later.... Counselor Troi blinked, sitting
up. "What happened?"
Dr. Crusher gave a watery smile. "You're
going to be all right."
Deanna motioned to tubes connecting her to
Commander Riker, who was lying on an adjacent
table. "What...?"
"You were feeling very wild and frisky," said
Dr. Crusher. "All we did was give you a
transfusion of dullness from Commander Riker to
compensate."
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