Wesley getting dating advice from Data
"Achoo! Achoo!"
"But Data, you don't need to sneeze," said
Wesley.
"True, but humans do," said the robot. "I am
also studying how to yawn and burp."
"Take my word for it, Data, being human has
its problems," said Wesley.
"Yes, and let us return to your problem,
young Wes. You said you were seeking my advice in
asking women out. But out where?"
"On a date, Data!"
"Accessing." Data assumed a twitchy-eyed
look as his head jerked minutely from side to
side. "ah, a date. A romantic event. Or, a
necessary precursor to marriage. Or, a one night
stand. Or, a wrinkled fruit-"
"You get the picture," said Wesley. "Oh, why
am I even asking you this?"
"Because you are desperate. Did you not say
that was the reason you came to me?" said Data
quizically. "But I have had a romantic
relationship."
"Really?" said Wesley, shocked. "You did?
With who? How did you do it? What did you say?"
"Yes. It was with Lieutenant Yar. I walked
into her quarters, and all I said was 'Lieutenant
Yar, is that you'?"
"Is that all?"
"She found me most enticing," said Data
shyly.
"Data, that was a one night stand!" shrieked
Wesley. "Tasha was under the influence of the
disease that made everyone slinky. She wasn't
really interested in you!"
Data looked forlorn. "Well, since then I
have asked a woman out on a date."
"You, Data?"
"Yes, it was the human thing to do, so I
tried it once."
"And what happened?" Wesley asked eagerly.
"After the requisite amount of smalltalk I
asked a young ensign to accompany me on a tour of
the maintenance section."
"What did she say?"
Data assumed a weird expression, twisted his
face, and spoke in an exact duplicate of the
woman's voice. "No way, dork!" Resuming his
normal voice, he said softly, "But I am not sure
what that meant."
"Oh, don't worry Data, I've been called that
dozens of times!" Wesley shrieked. "What are you
up to now?"
"I am studying the art of flirtation with the
computerized cigarette dispenser in 10 Forward,"
Data confided.
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