Return to Star Trek: The Next Generation main page Talk directly to Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) Counselor Deanna Troi Lieutenant Commander Data Lieutenant Worf Doctor Beverly Crusher Trivia (click here): PPvEvtDBf Help rescue Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) from slavery! (click here) TV-Parodies - Star Trek: The Next Generation How Picard first met Guinan Star Trek: The Next Generation Captain's Log, supplemental: While pursuing time travelers from the future who have been naughtily zapping humans from Earth's cliche past, I have become stuck here in a cave in 19th Century Earth with Guinan and Data's head. I was surprised to find that even when Guinan was 500 years younger, she still had no eyebrows.     "Are you huuurt?" said Picard gently, betraying his anglo/french accent.     "Uh-uh," said Whoopi, sitting up. "You say I met you, 500 years in the future? Tell me about it."     "Well," said Picard. "It was at the beginning of the second season. We had just convuuurted one of the old phaser banks into a lounge, renamed 10-Forward. But we needed a baaartendar."     "A what?" said Whoopi.     "A baaartendar," said Picard.     "What's that?" said Whoopi, genuinely puzzled.     Picard paused. "It's a person who suuurves drinks-"     "Oh, you must mean a BARTENDER," said Whoopi, brightening.   "I see."     Picard made a face. "Yes. Quite." He continued. "I interviewed a numbar of candidates--a rogue Romulan, a left handed Ferengi, Mrs. Troi, Q... and then there was you. You convinced me you were overqualified for the job."     "How?"     "You had an extensive resume," said Picard. "You had most recently served as a bouncer in the cantina from "Star Wars". But then you tuuurned to the replicator, and said, 'Tea. Herbal grade. Hot.' And I was simply astonished. But all you said was, 'I also read palms.'" And that convinced me that you were the best candidate for this vital post."     "Go on, go on."     "You go on to become one of my most trusted advisers--even more important than Riker. Although you do have a tendency to undercut your credibility by wearing silly gowns and hats--but the crew never cuts you down, at least, not in front of you." Picard paused for a moment, and picked up Data's head, which lay discarded on the ground. He opened a compartment, and started fiddling with it.     "What're you doing?" Whoopi asked curiously.     "I'm leaving a message for the crew, in the future. They may be tempted to use weapons to destroy the alien cave, and we can't have any of that." MEANWHILE, IN THE FUTURE....     "So the aliens were draining the humility out of those poor people, and feeding on it," said Dr. Crusher.     "No wonder their beam had no effect on Commander Riker," said Jordee, who was busy fiddling with Data's head.     "What're you doing?" said Crusher. "That head is over 500 years old. You can't seriously believe-"     "The main circuitry is intact," said Jordee. "I just need to replace these Double AA dilithium alkaline batteries...."     Suddenly, Data jerked. "Weapons..." he said. "Fire... weapons... no...."     "It's a message, from Captain Picard!" said Dr. Crusher excitedly. "He wants us to know to fire the weapons!".... Click here to post a message Click here to post a message Other Recent Star Trek: The Next Generation Discussions Patrick Stewart gets divorced! Why did Dr. Pulaski wear a maternity outfit? Ferengi Encounter The tricorders want to unionize to get better working conditions Clicking fish people experiment on the crew Did Riker have an abortion when he phasered his clone? 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