| TV-Commentary - Star Wars Revenge of the Sith Episode III |
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Revenge of the Sith Spoilers - Plot Summary
The plot for episode Three, Revenge of the Sit", is now known. The movie starts with out with a big space battle over Coruscant as the separatists attack with their space fleet. Count Dooku taking Chancellor Palpatine "captive" (remember, Dooku was really working for Palpatine). Anakin and Obi Wan fly starfighters into Dooku's ship and fight battle droids to get to the Chancellor. After several battles with the robots, the ship explodes in half (!) due to a fuel leak, and Anakin fights Count Dooku while Obi Wan fights General Greivious (Grievious), an alien/robot cyborg with four arms and four lightsabers. Anakin cuts off Count Dooku's head but Genereal Greivious gets away.
After the rescue, Anakin gets flack from the Jedi for not taking Dooku alive. Palpatine stokes his irritation and says he's not appreciated. He makes Anakin Palpatine's personal bodyguard.
Meanwhile, Obi Wan goes off to fight General Grievous on a planet of sinkholes and zaps him while Anakin engages in necking and petting with Padme.
Samuel L. Jacksenobi and several Jedi go to kill the Chancellor. But Palpatine kills Jacksenobi's assistants using the force. Anakin pretends to help Jacksenobi but then actually stabs him in the back. Palpatine reveals his true identity to Anakin and says that if Anakin joins him he'll tell him how to use the force to be irresistable in bed. He sends Anakin with some clonetroopers to kill all the Jedi there, and Anakin, thinking of all the women he can sleep with with his new powers, kills all the adult Jedi, leaving the Jedi children to his new assistant, Darth Michael Jackson.
The clones turn against the Jedi and start killing them. Most are killed but Wookies, including Chewbacca, who is barely toilet trained at this point, help Yoda escape his clone trooper assassins and there is a scene where Yoda fights off a hundred clonetroopers using the force. He also at one point uses the Jedi mind trick to convince the clonetroopers that he is a harmless cackling muppet.
Yoda goes to Yavin to research how to make yourself glow in the dark after you have been killed. He later tells Obi Wan how to do this as well. The Emperor confronts him there and there is a fierce battle. Yoda scars the Emerpror's face and gives him bad teeth and gums, but the Emperor kicks his ass and Yoda is forced to run away. He finds a vacation brochure for Dagobah which he suddenly finds quite alluring.
Obi Wan goes to Padme, who is pregnant with twins. He feels her belly and she smiles flirtatiously at him. He squeezes her boobs, and she slyly starts to remove her top. Obi Wan eases her into her bed and makes passionate love to her, using his force attuned senses to make sure he doesn't poke Luke or Leia's eyes out while making love to Padme. Later, while they are lying in bed smoking cigarettes, they learn that Anakin has gone off to the planet Mustafar to kill the remaining bad-Chinese-accented fish alien separatist leaders. Obi Wan goes there and Anakin is very angry that Padme led him there. He smacks her upside the head using the force. Then Obi Wan and Anakin fight around a volcano. Anakin gets his good arm, his legs, and his testicles cut off. Then he falls in the volcano. The Emperor arrives and fishes him out, but he is badly burned and has asthma, so the Emperor gives him black body armor and robotic legs, arms, and testicles and calls him Darth Vader. When Anakin asks why he's named Vader, the Emperor tells him it is the name of his mother in law.
Padme, injured from being smacked around by Anakin, is mistakenly put in the care of a medical droid which is actually an abortion droid. But just as the abortion droid hums, extends its suction probe, and starts to spread her legs, she disgorges her slick fetuses, Luke and Leia, before she expires. Obi Wan gives Leia to a kind Alderaanian Puerto Rican family led by Jimmy Smits, and, incredibly, gives Luke to the family of Anakin's mother on Tattooine, not even bothering to change Luke's last name from Skywalker to something else. He figures that someone with the last name of Skywalker on Tattooine will be very, very well hidden.
The movie ends with Darth, the Emperor, and a young Moff Tarkin (with fewer blue and red candies on his uniform) on the bridge of a Star Destroyer watching the ongoing construction of the first Death Star.
So, what do you think of the plot?
Oh, and by the way, if you'd like to see some special Darth Vader home movies, click here
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The commentator uvngs@mail.com
posts on 10/29/2006 8:53:21 AM
fonwhbmiq tbzqkenx twvms szegpx ayqlvh ejrf kjzunc
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The commentator uhwrekty@mail.com
posts on 10/29/2006 8:46:02 AM
engisojh frsczimx czun rbomutjh ryjvan myufwv lkwhumrtc
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posts on 6/1/2006 1:22:39 PM
oh my word! such rudery! but very funny if not so very accurate. anikin gets named before he gets incinarated by obiwan and the volcano which i expect rather hurt his feelngs. anyway obi is not so rude as to do that! i think somone is exaggerating a bit here. the review/ plot summery
lacks somewhat
, it was a good film if a bit gory.
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joqer2000
posts on 4/6/2006 4:05:21 PM
I found this synopsis to be pretty accurate. Except for the part about Anakins testicles, he never had any to begin with so how could he have lost them?
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LC
posts on 1/28/2006 8:27:23 AM
Uhh...hey guys, lol that was a funny summary but i really think that the person who wrote it is a little off. I'm trying to do this essay where we have to compare Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith and Macbeth (shakespeare) and this didn't really help...i'm not gunna lie. Anyways it gave me a good laugh tho...lol I feel random. (whoever said that...that was funny)
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The commentator Evenstar
posts on 1/26/2006 12:10:59 AM
I think that your summery of a great film stinks.
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Darth Mike the Great dude!
posts on 12/31/2005 12:13:00 PM
I've seen the film and it is really awesome. Partly because there are 5 lightsabre duels. I like the fights. I think your ideas for the plots were a bit farfetched don't you think? Obi-Wan with Padme? Come on! If it happened Anakin would be real peed off and it would have been the reason he turned to DARTH VADER, oooooh!
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rand
posts on 12/12/2005 11:28:04 PM
if anakin did lose the old jewels, they'd just replace them with bionic ones that produced 3&1 oil instead.
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Lauryn
posts on 12/12/2005 3:56:38 PM
I'll cut off the balls of the person who wrote this summary- battle or not.
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The commentator Darth Shaun
posts on 12/1/2005 8:29:27 PM
I've seen the movie and I wasn't expecting what you wrote. I find it just deliberately stupid that you'd write a porn movie instead.
First and foremost it was Mace Windu who gave Palpatine bad teeth and gums.
Two, Padme was pregnant at the start of the film.
Three, Obi-Wan DOES NOT make love with Padme.
Four, Anakin was already dubbed as Darth Vader when he fought Obi-Wan and he never lost his testacles in battle! He had his clothes on!
Fifth, Anakin would refuse the offer to be irresistable in bed but would not refuse the offer to save Padme.
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aliciaskywalker
posts on 10/27/2005 1:58:45 PM
Well said, Lauryn. Why is there a French person posting here? Or is it just some demented person who has an A Level in French and feels like showing off? I'm feeling random today.
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Lauryn
posts on 10/17/2005 4:46:51 PM
i have 2 things to say. One is that this movie suc ked balls. Two is if i ever find who wrote this plot summary, by the time i'm through with him he wont be able to have kids anymore
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love Anakan Skywalker !!!
posts on 9/17/2005 1:49:22 PM
you lier i bet you have not seen the movie if your summarys are like that!!!!
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starwarsjunki
posts on 9/16/2005 10:38:08 PM
this plot is so jacked up. ok so it was kind of funny, but you're giving all the people who haven't seen the movie the impression that obi-wan and padme had something going on, which they so did not. take that out, make a movie out of it and go win yourself an oscar.
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Dennis
posts on 8/29/2005 3:57:00 PM
Getting your balls burned off would be really painful. Once when i was on a baseball team, i was a catcher. Well one game i neglected to wear a cup. to make a long story short: the pitcher throws a fastball, i miss, the baseball slams into my groin (tobe more specific, my balls), i feel extreme pain.
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Jonathan
posts on 8/18/2005 8:00:07 PM
The Frech are all a buch of smelly cheese eathing surrender monkeys
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The commentator chris
posts on 6/27/2005 7:12:14 PM
Je suis francais! (non, pitié, ne m'insultez pas, je n'ai rien demandé...), donc je ne sais pas trop si vous comprendrez ce message, mais... qu'est ce que c'est que cette histoire d'anakin qui aurait des "boules robotiques"?
ah ah ah!
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Alicia
posts on 6/2/2005 3:21:57 PM
I have just seen Episode 3 and it is not at all like this plot. Mind you, i never thought it was - pretty disgusting scenes people
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The commentator Mlystry
posts on 5/23/2005 3:07:27 PM
Thats a pretty sick summary..you just totally ruined good story.
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The commentator Oby Ennis
posts on 5/22/2005 4:04:20 PM
Well,well, Revenge of the Sith was good, but would have been AWESOME if Boba Fett was in it. What a poor idea of cutting him out. Praise the Lord atleast we had him in the other films.
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