Return to The Phantom Menace main page TV-Parodies - The Phantom Menace The Plot--(our version!) A group of radical land reform advocates let by Darth Sidious and Darth Maul decide to take control of the planet Naboo. Two Jedi named Obi Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon are sent to stop them. Along the way they meet a friendly lizard named Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar, at first reluctant to help, agrees to assist the Jedi after being bribed with a hefty protein snack of mosquitos and gnats, most of which are pulled from Qui-Gon's facial hair. Jar Jar takes the Jedi to meet their rostifarian-accented leader, Boss Nass, to request his help, but Boss Nass, after learning that the Jedi aren't edible, rapidly loses interest in them. So they take another sub ride to meet the Queen, who's being pressured to sign a treaty that will legitimize the occupation, make Naboo pay 5,000 cans of motor oil as tribute to maintain the invading army, and agree to a proclamation naming Darth Sidious "Darth of the Year". The Queen instead flees with the Jedi to the planet Tatooine, figuring they can get a quick snack and try their luck at the casino. While there they meet Anakin Skywalker, a little boy with enormous respiratory problems who can strangle jawas and cats simply by looking at them. Unfortunately Anakin is the slave and can't do much on his own. Qui Gon offers to win his freedom in a spirited game of rocks-lightsaber-paper, but Watto insistes on a jet-pod race instead. Anakin wins the race by default after the other contestants mysteriously die of asphyxiation in mid-flight. Qui-Gon takes Anakin away, promising not only to train the lad to become a Jedi but to toilet train him as well. On the way to the ship Qui-Gon has to fight Darth Maul. Qui-Gon distracts Maul by telling him that one of the pointy spots on his head is pointing the wrong way and while Maul frantically looks about for a hand mirror they escape in the confusion. They flee to Coruscant, the grand capital of the galaxy, a huge city of gleaming towers where no one can ever find any parking. Senator Palpatine persuades the Queen to challenge the current chancellor and put him in charge. Once Palpatine takes over he immediately goes shopping for dark robes and several hundred pounds of white makeup and false teeth. Qui-Gon requests access to the Jedi Council, and gains admission after giving the secret handshake. After spreading papers for Anakin, Qui-Gon explains that the boy can be trained. Yoda, who asks the boy to stand on his head and levitate some rocks, isn't convinced. The Queen returns to Naboo to make an alliance with Boss Nass. After promising him a lifetime supply of mosquitos and plankton, he agrees to join the fight. Qui-Gon fights Darth Maul but is killed when he tragically trips over his shoelaces. Obi-Wan Kenobi tests his new Ginsu lightsaber on Darth Maul and finds it slices as well as dices. Obi-Wan promises to train Anakin, and looks about for a rolled up newspaper.... Click here to post a message        The commentator Shade Stephen posts on 3/18/2005 2:58:49 AM Why did Darth Maul die in this version as well?! Why donīt you let him live? Kill Obi-Wan! Kill Obi-Wan!:-) Click here to post a message Other Recent The Phantom Menace Discussions What's next for Anakin? Character summaries Why did the spinning & twirling Darth Maul stand very still when Obi Wan Kenobi sliced him? 8/26/2007 1:58:11 AM The Ten Top Things That Should Have Happened In The Phantom Menace but didn't 2/10/2006 12:20:45 PM What's with Queen Amidala's makeup fetish? 7/18/2005 8:19:54 PM The Second Prequel Movie: Anakin Home Alone 7/10/2005 11:56:37 PM The Third Prequel Movie: You Slice Me, I Slice You 7/10/2005 11:55:30 PM Did Darth Maul cut his hands every time he shampooed? 7/10/2005 11:06:55 AM Did R2 and C-3PO get mem-wiped between the first and the fourth movies? 6/28/2005 1:13:17 PM Would Anakin have turned out better if he had a two parent home? 6/5/2005 12:56:11 PM Why does a white guy like Qui Gong have a Chinese name? 4/25/2005 1:11:37 AM The Plot--(our version!) 3/18/2005 2:58:49 AM Note: the views expressed here are only those of the posters.

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